Share
Read
Top
Share

Addiction Recovery Keys

Published June 21, 2011 by Dr Steve

Keys to successful Recovery

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZmTogRONPU[/youtube]

 

I am presenting a series of articles that provide real keys to successful recovery. The first key is one of the most misunderstood and minimized principles to recovery. In the 12-step program it is discussed as making amends and forgiveness, steps eight and nine. However, the 12-step principles are more focused on what you have done to others, rather than dealing with what others have done to you. I believe both aspects need to be dealt with and resolved.

An eye for an eye is not forgiveness in Recovery

So how should you respond to those who have offended you with deliberate or thoughtless words or actions toward you? If we react in a manner of ” an eye for an eye” (revenge) we’ve missed out on what God wants us to learn how He wants us to respond. By reacting poorly to someone’s ungodly behavior we give away our emotional control and give them power to manipulate us.

In Matthew the 7th chapter, Jesus teaches us that we are not to judge or we will too be judged. In the 5th chapter we are told “to love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”

How much more should we love our friends and family? Yet many times they become targets of our unresolved anger for the offense they did to us.

It is the action of kindness (to do good) like mentioned in the 5th chapter that you are to proceed. If you are asked to go one mile, then volunteer to go a second mile. In other words, you are instructed to go out of your way (yes, it is an inconvenience and humbling) to be helpful and demonstrate how much you are willing to show your love and concern.

Recovery is about learning not to be wounded

Find ways to achieve the list below and you will find over time that you don’t get wounded anymore by people in your life, and thus don’t relinquish control of your emotions.

• Forgive all
• Understanding their perspective
• Speak the truth in love

Forgive 7 X 70 if necessary

Jesus tells His disciples to forgive 7 times 70 if need be. Two things happen when you forgive. You give yourself a gift to move on in harmony in your life, and you release others to God for judgment. By developing an atmosphere to resolve you may find yourself at peace within. If you do not forgive the opposite happens. You give way to bitterness and stress and develop an unforgiving spirit. When you release the offender to God, you are free to see that person as Christ does, and the resentment no longer has the power to rule your actions and reactions.

We all struggle with hurts

Many times people who hurt are hurt. Understanding their perspective of a situation will help curb the hurt you are feeling and many times help you to let go. Their behavior is not excused, but the person can be. Understanding is the key to resolve and a step toward reconciliation and prevention of further conflicts.

I once had a client who was rude and destructive toward others. It turns out that she pushed people away because she had been rejected throughout life and would rather reject others first than to feel the pain of another rejection. She didn’t allow herself to trust people and she vowed she would never allow people to hurt her again. Once the woundedness was resolved, she was able to love others again and to treat others with respect.

Practice the Law of Love

Speaking the truth in love is a great concept, but one that must be learned and practiced. Part of the law of love found in Romans 14:14-23, Paul tells us to pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. It is vital to approach someone in love who has offended. A gentle word turns away wrath and by approaching in love people will almost always respond appropriately.

Resolve the Past, don’t ignore it

Jesus tells us to go to our brothers and resolve whatever the infraction. Whether you have offended them or they have offended you, He teaches us to resolve quickly, to not let the sun go down on our anger. The most important path to resolve is found in Matthew 18:15-17. First, go and tell your brother his fault between you and him alone. If your brother doesn’t listen take another with you and try once again to resolve. If that doesn’t bring resolve take it to the church to confront the person and the sinful behavior. There is power in numbers. When a person is confronted by those who point out sinful behavior, usually that person will become humble and admit the fault. Accountability is a powerful leverage in relationships.

How does this impact addiction Recovery?

Without exception, unforgiveness is one of the unresolved root issues in an addicts life. This unresolved root may be with another person(s) or within themselves.

Next Key I will present is: DISCOVERING AND REMOVING THE RUBBLE

Concepts and material taken from Dr. Jackson’s “Aftercare eworkbook” Recovery at his website at http://recoverywithdrsteve.com

Posted in Recovery and Aftercare | Tags , , , | Leave a comment
Share

Keys to Successful Recovery: – Restoration

Published July 15, 2011 by Dr Steve

Recovery Key # 3:  Restoration (Part One)

ASK – SEEK – KNOCK
Restoration is about rebuilding your life. The only way to successfully rebuild your life, you must begin with Prayer.  In the Book of Matthew 7:7-11 Jesus gives us incredible insight about prayer “Ask, Seek and Knock.”  My personal experience with prayer is that it is important to approach prayer correctly.

Basically, what Jesus is saying is that we have not, because we ask not, so we must ask.  Secondly,  as Christians, we must seek His answer and direction. God wants us to be involved in our spiritual life with Him. He desires a relationship with us. He created us with a purpose and plan for our lives.

He established prayer, so that we can hear from Him and be guided by Him. He knows before we speak what we want and need. He desires from us to let Him rebuild our lives based on His principles, because He knows us better than we know ourselves. 

What is God’s Plan for You?
To begin our new journey of restoration, we need desperately to know God’s plan for our lives. In the book of Jeremiah, chapter 29, God says He knows the plans He has for us. Plans for wellbeing, and not for evil. To give us a future and a hope. Then, we will call upon Him and come and pray to Him and He will hear us. We will seek Him and find Him, when we seek Him with all our heart, He will be found by us.

Perseverance and Expectancy
The third aspect of prayer is knocking. The concepts here are perseverance and expectancy. We must keep seeking and knocking expecting God to answer in His way and His timing. Knowing God knows us best and when He knows we are ready to move forward, He will bring the best answer for our lives.  The scripture in Matthew reads, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.”

Next time will we continue on this very important Key of Restoration.

That’s all for now.

God Bless you,

Dr. Steve

Posted in Overcoming Addictions | Leave a comment
Share

Addiction Recovery Key 2

Published July 5, 2011 by Dr Steve

Heart wounds create the Rubble

Heart wounds (Pains of life) are often life traumatizing, and how we react to those wounds tend to set a precedent of future reactions. If we avoid heart wounds we tend not to resolve them. If we physically fight back when wounded, we learn to get revenge. “A desire to retaliate and to get even can be explosive. In fact, some people feast on this emotion until a root of bitterness begins to grow within them.”[i] So, how do we resolve the hurts of life? For most of us we never do.

By not resolving heart wounds, we cripple ourselves, quite often, to the point of ruining relationships in the past, present and future. We continue down a journey of relationship failure and misery, broken heartedness and strife. We tend to avoid people and strike back at the same time. We end up compromising ourselves and others all because of unresolved wounds.  The sad part is that most of us have no clue as to why we react the way we do.

What an awesome feeling when heart wounds are healed! Thousands of times I have witnessed a life changing experience as a client lets go of past wounds, wiping the years of rubble and pain from their life, clients report feeling unbelievable peace.  Many times they experience God’s presence and the immediate release of resentment toward others. The Bible tells us that Jesus came to set the captives free, and those set free are free indeed.[ii]

Life unmanageable

Jordan’s life was heading for disaster. Her marriage was in shambles, she had cheated on her husband, her kids weren’t talking to her, and her career was almost gone. Jordan was at the brink of suicide. She had spent the past 10 years drinking her life away. At first, she only drank on weekends, and then because it wasn’t acceptable, she began hiding her drinking during the week. She withdrew from her friends and family. She would disappear for hours at a time, never truly explaining her whereabouts. She would say she was depressed and wanted time alone.

Jordan was living two different existences. The happy family and career woman during the day, and the wild, anything goes woman at night. To those who saw her in church, her life was picture perfect. She had a loving husband and two wonderful daughters.

At age 17, Jordan had made a decision to have an abortion, but no one knew. The father of the unwanted child told her the unborn child probably wasn’t his and that she was on her own to deal with her pregnancy. She felt devastated that her boyfriend abandoned her and insinuated that she was unfaithful. She experienced a heart wound and felt all alone. She began withdrawing from people from that point forward.

Later in life, she never felt close to her husband but desperately tried to be the perfect wife. Early on, she successfully convinced others that she was happy and content. But, eventually the alcohol wasn’t enough for her to be able to handle the shame of her lies and secretive past. She sought to hide from her feelings in other relationships, gambling, and shopping, overeating, and excessive exercise. All the while, Jordan was heading down a dangerous path of devastation and addiction. As the years continued, she stocked piled the rubble in her life.

DUIs were a Blessing in Disguise

It was the two DUI’s that brought everything to a head. These two DUI’s probably saved her life. The court ordered her to alcohol treatment, where for the first time in her life, she dealt with the heart wound, the shame, and devastation of her past. Jordan received inner-healing.

Forgiveness

The only way to rid yourself from the rubble of the past (heartwounds) is to forgive the people who wounded you. Forgiveness is an incredible concept and process Jesus modeled for us to help us resolve issues of life. He demonstrated on the cross by asking God to forgive those who have persecuted him.

Jordan learned to forgive. She went back to the past events of her life that caused pain and was able to let go of her stored away hurt. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It opens the door to healing. Being able to forgive and let go of hurts and anger enables a person to be free and not react in fear or revenge.

Jordan forgave many and was forgiven by many. Her fears were erased and life restored. Truly this is a story that brings hope for others.  You may not have experienced the same heart wound as Jordan, but you probably have experienced someone in your life that has wounded you.

Heart Wounds come from both childhood memories and from painful experiences in adult life, such as:

  • Finding out you were an unwanted child
  • Abusive parents or siblings
  • Loss of spouse due to divorce
  • Spouse having an affair
  • Friend deceiving you
  • Bully at school
  • Loss of a job
  • Close friends making fun at your expense

 

Vital Key to Addiction Recovery

These common heart wounds can and do create rubble in our lives and it is necessary to discover and remove them. It is a vital key to addiction recovery. Healing heart wounds requires a willingness to face the painful event or memory of the past. Hiding the pain will prolong its power over you. Give God and yourself permission to unlock the doors of memories from your past.

If you haven’t found a counselor yet, then do so quickly. Don’t avoid the past; allow God to guide you through the help of a Christian Counselor.

The next Recovery Key is ‘Restoration”

[i] Charles Stanley, Landmines; in the path of the Believer (Nashville, TN.: Thomas Nelson Inc., 2007) 117

[ii] Book of John 8:36

Posted in Overcoming Addictions | Leave a comment
Share

Two Unusual Anxiety Disorders

Published May 30, 2011 by Dr Steve

Anxiety
There are many different types of anxiety disorders. I thought I would share a couple that people haven’t heard much about.  One that is on the rise because of the long extended wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. The military has an enormous increase of cases, both groups of military going back to fight for the 4th or 5th time, and those who have been discharged from active duty.

Anxiety and Stress with PTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the result of being exposed to a traumatic event, involved in an actual or threatened death or serious injury to self or others. It is common to have recurrent and intrusive distressing recollection of events, images, thoughts or perceptions.

Veterans have a high rate of PTSD. It is estimated by the Vets that approximately 9 % of those battle soldiers will suffer from PTSD. Other groups who suffer from PTSD are firemen, policemen, and sexually or physically abused men and women.

Haunted by Overwhelming Anxiety Causing Event

I once had a client who was involved in a serious car wreck, in which his finance was gravely injured, and the driver of the other car was killed. It was determined that he was at fault. He was the only one who walked away unharmed. He was haunted with the recurring images and dreams of the accident, and of the young children on the scene who were wailing because their mother wasn’t responding. His sleep was disrupted and probably averaged 2 – 3 hours of sleep per night. The guilt of his negligence preoccupied his life. He became depressed and struggled to come to counseling or attend work.

Once he was able to deal with the event in counseling, he was able to move on and forgive himself and ask forgiveness of the surviving family members. In about 3 months he was able to move on and restore his life. He like so many others felt he didn’t need help and didn’t want to spend the money for counseling. He suffered for almost two months before he got help.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Generalized Anxiety is diagnosed for someone who experiences excessive anxiety and worry for a period of at least 6 months. Usually the overly concern person is focused on events or activities and has little control over the worry. Restlessness, difficult in concentrating, easily fatigued, and irritability are frequent complaints, while sleep may be disrupted and muscle tension is common.

Routine Life Becomes Anxiety Hell

The anxiousness is typically about everyday routine life circumstances, finances, health issues of self or others, or simple things like car repairs. The worry seems to switch from one event to another. Frequently generalized anxiety disorder will co-occur with substance related disorder from alcohol and/or sedative use.

Anxiety Connection From the Past

I worked with a client who experienced Generalized Anxiety Disorder recently who was stuck in the obsessive behavior and struggled to function. Those around her expressed their frustration and concern, but felt like they just couldn’t go on, even with their daily life, without her getting help. Her situation seemed to stem from past trauma that was driving the anxiety. She initially didn’t connect the previous unresolved trauma with current life issues, but clearly, the connection was there. Once dealt with and resolved she was able to function normal again.

Opening the Door For Addiction Abuse

Neither one of these disorders are something to ignore. Both occupy hours of one’s life and coping mechanisms usually kick in and this is where prescription drugs, illegal drugs, or alcohol become the front line answer for unresolved anxiety. If you are struggling from PTSD or Generalized Anxiety please don’t avoid them; seek help now at a outpatient facility near you.

Dr. Steve currently works with clients with all disorders from a Biblical Approach.

Do you know anyone who suffers from anxiety? How did they get help?

Posted in Emotional Mindset | Tags , , , , , , | Leave a comment
Share

PTSD and Drug and Alcohol Addiction

Published May 5, 2011 by Dr Steve

Crisis
A crisis is an event in life that is predictable or anticipated. We develop the necessary coping skills to successfully handle and resolve them as they appear. We all experience crisis in our day to day occurrences. Examples of a crisis are things like potential loss of a job or relationship, financial concerns, or not being able to meet a deadline. Anything that could cause added stress to one’s current emotional or physical status.

Trauma
Trauma is an event outside of the normal human experiences. It often causes feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness. It is different than that of the crisis mentioned above, in that a person cannot use coping skills, and there is nothing one can do to stop the event from happening. Examples of traumas would include natural disasters, accidental and intentional disasters, and repeated events like war, sexual abuse, terrorist threats, or spousal abuse.

Post traumatic stress (PTS)
PTS is actually a helpful mechanism, as a response to threats of safety. In the moment of a PTS event, the brain becomes dysfunctional, and decision making is handled by a different part of the brain, called the amygdala.  Blood flow is redirected from vital organs to the muscles to increase physical strength, and  awareness of pain is lessoned. PTS is the normal reaction to an abnormal event.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
PTSD is different in the above description of PTS in that it is an official diagnosis that is primarily based on the severity, symptoms, and time since the event occurred. The quicker the response time for treatment the better the chance of healing.

How People are Impacted
Probably the two most common features that impacts people who experience PTS is numbing and fight or flight reactions. Numbing is witnessed as someone having a flat affect, and fight or flight is perceived as ‘I must fight or run away’.  Both of these reactions to PTS is either perceived as real or imagined danger and/or hopelessness. Other reactions that happen as survival techniques are dissociation and addictions.

MPD – dissociative disorders
Dissociative disorders is where the mind protects a person by taking them elsewhere, while a dissociative part takes over to take on the trauma. It is a form of escape. Usually, this type of reaction is created by an event(s) that is perceived as more than one can handle; things like sexual, mental or repeated abuse.

Drug Addictions
Addictions occur as a typical reaction to immense pressure and is perceived as a quick escape from the symptoms from PTS. It is an easy way to self-medicate from the unresolved trauma. The last thing a victim wants to re-experience is reliving an traumatic event, or extreme hyper-arousal symptoms, which cause them to reacted to triggered sounds. This tends to send them back into fight or flight reactions. Drugs and alcohol is often chosen to try to cover the unresolved traumatic event of the past. Soldiers coming back from several tours of duty from the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan struggle to get help, and quickly find drugs and alcohol as a quick fix.

Healing & Awareness
Healing from PTSD is one that is very complicated. Every person reacts to situations differently. Recently I read, that there are approximately 18 suicides daily in America from within the military coming back from the current wars, who are suffering from PTSD. Support seems to be the most effective remedy. Combining professional, spiritual, family, and community level of involvement has shown to be the most effective way to bring about the quickest healing.

 

For more information and discussion concerning Drug addictions and PTSD leave your comments below or email Dr. Steve at drsteve@recoverywithdrsteve.org

Posted in Overcoming Addictions, Recovery and Aftercare | Tags , , , , , | Leave a comment
Share

Multiple Personality Disorder and Addictions

Published April 26, 2011 by Dr Steve

MPD: Renamed Dissociative Identity Disorder

Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD), renamed Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.), is a very complex and controversial diagnosis to attach to someone. The likes of ‘Sybil’ come to mind when people think of M.P.D.  A much milder version is more often the norm, than the crazy, out of control patient often depicted by Hollywood.

It is Common to have 5-25 Different Personalities

The official Psychiatric diagnostic criteria for D.I.D., according to the DSM IV –TR include; the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states, at least two of these identities recurrently take control of the person’s behavior, and the inability to recall important personal information that is to extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

What Family and Friends Report About Experiencing MPD

Family and friends of a D.I.D. may report the patient has frequent gaps in memory (personal), both past and recent, reports of finding items of clothing at home that the individual cannot remember having, and not remembering a whole segment of the day, as to where they were or what they were doing. Misplacing keys, wallets, purses, & cars in parking lots is common.

MPD Misdiagnosed for Years

Quite often, the D.I.D. patient will be described as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, meaning one moment the person may seem very passive and submissive, and then suddenly an impatient, controlling and/or self-destructive person emerges. It is very common that a person with D.I.D. will be misdiagnosed for six to seven years before the dissociative identifies are correctly identified. Usually the misdiagnosis given is Bi-Polar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder.

MPD Personalities Out of Touch with Others Parts

Each personality state may be experienced as if it has a distinct personal history, self-image, and identity, including different names. I have had clients where one personality will write left handed with beautiful handwriting, while another personality will insist he/she can only use the right hand to write. To be talking to an adult one minute and a young, rebellious adolescent another is fairly common.

MPD Clients Report Mental, Physical, or Sexual Abuse

My experience with multiple personalities that use alcohol or drugs often have only one personality who uses. Sometimes the host personality may be aware that he/she drinks, but no clue about getting stoned. In discussing the addictive behavior, quite often the emerging personality years prior chose to use an addictive path to distract the host personality from some form of abuse (mental, physical, or sexual). Or even still, chose to be sexually promiscuous as a survival mode on the streets.

Enormous Problems for Addictions

There is no doubt that D.I.D. is a mysterious disorder. One that needs attention and extensive counseling to resolve. Having one of many personalities that is an addict creates enormous problems in overcoming addictions because until that addicted personality is integrated (becomes whole) to the host he/she will always have the alternative to escape real or perceived danger with drugs and/or alcohol.

Why Use Drugs or Alcohol?

This is really a simple one to explain. Just like Bi-polar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Hyper-Attention Deficit Disorder, and just about any type of disorder can crossover into addictions because people strive to feel normal.  I have had many clients who are addicts that do have Multiple Personality Disorder. With alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex,  and any kind of addiction, there are those who will do anything to feel normal. Whether to not feel the pain of shame or to settle the chaos inside, people choose everyday to medicate in an effort to distract, avoid, or to deny their life struggles.

If you would like to read more about MPD write comments and questions below or contact Dr. Steve.

Posted in For Family Members | Tags , , , | 1 Comment
Share

I think my Daughter is an Addict. What do I do now?

Published February 18, 2011 by Dr Steve

The 5 best things you can do right now for you and your child

  • First thing to do: You get help!

You might feel like your world is coming unraveled.  Sometimes your efforts might be making things worse. Let’s be real. There is an unbelievable high chance that if you find yourself doing all the work (more than the addict), that you may be motivated by codependency.

Codependency is a behavior where we tend to love, care, or give for the wrong reasons. Codependents have a damaged ability to love because they somehow have never been able to resolve their own issues of self-love. They have unresolved wounds and the memories of their pasts that are forcefully controlling their day to day reactions.

Codependency  will have many imbalanced relationship where they are giving to get back love, acceptance, and self worth,  and most often are driven by the fear of rejection, fear of losing, or fear of a being discovered. Another problem with codependency is that it tends to be progressive and will look more like control to others (addict).

If you find yourself caring more and being more responsible than your child (especially, if your child is an adult), then it is in everyone’s best interest, that you get solid advice from a counselor or group facilitator of a codependency support group. What you need is honest and sound structured direction on how to proceed that is in the best interest of all concerned. The goal for all should be healing and healthy living.

  • Talk to People who can relate and understand addictions

Search the internet for helpful ways to begin this process. Call an outpatient counseling center or an impatient treatment center and talk to someone who deals with addictions every day. Ask them about codependency and how they can help. Listen to their program options and become informed. Please, don’t get in a huge hurry. It’s better to gather information and discuss options with other support people.

  • The shocking truths tells us to get educated

Get informed!  No one starts out knowing about addictions, unless they grew up with a parent or sibling with addictions. If you are reading this you are probably looking for help right now for your addicted child. My suggestion to you is to Get Educated. What you will find is that inpatient treatment will cost between $10,000.00 and $25,000.00 for one month stay. You will find on average, that many addicts will attempt treatment recovery 2 to 3 times before they succeed. You will find many leave treatment early and end up in Jail, prison or on the streets. You will hear stories of families being destroyed because of the lies, stealing, deception, and broken promises. You will hear things said like “I think I put in more of an effort that she does” or “I really don’t need help. I can do this on my own”

There are millions of people who participate in addiction and codependency support groups daily. There are many online chat rooms where you can join and ask for help. Attend meetings and find out what others have done. You can apply that information to help you make a more informed decision. Read books on addictions and codependency.

  • Make a decision to be the best parent you can be from here on out

An adult child of an addict has learned all the knee-jerk reactions of dysfunctional behavior. They have had to learn to cope and survive, but usually these abnormal life skills are developed during their early childhood years. Which means, they used the mind of a child to do the best they could?

Unfortunately, they find themselves reacting with the same behavior twenty years later and are just as dysfunctional as ever. If this sounds like you, then please get help soon. No one has to live in chaos; usually it is a matter of understanding how to change on the inside.

All people benefit from gaining information. Learn to apply that information to your personal life and challenge yourself to become more informed, becoming the best parent you can be (not matter what age your child is).

  • The Most important thing to do

Is to pray daily.  Allow the Lord to guide and educate and comfort you. Surrender the whole process over to Him. Try to approach this whole ordeal as a learning and healing experience that God is bringing into your life and the lives of your family. Understand that You will get through this.

Posted in For Family Members | Tags , , , , | 2 Comments
Share

The Addict and Codependent

Published January 27, 2011 by Dr Steve

 

>H1<Relationships in Addiction; the addict and codependent<H1>

Addictions can be like a poisonous venom to relationships with families, friends and spouses. It is very difficult to survive in any relationship, if you have an ongoing and active addiction.

The chaotic world is more than most want to understand and tends to ware heavily on most emotions of both the addict and codependent.


Enough is Enough

The endless lies, promises, and deceit from an addict is beyond what friends and family care to endure, all the while, the addict can’t seem to understand the ‘big deal’ with their ongoing turmoil.  What most don’t understand is the huge cavern of perception between the two sides.

I will try to describe the things I have recorded over the years that can add light to the differences in perspective, hopefully, helping those who don’t understand to understand.


Who Are the Addicted?

I have often read that addictions cross all boundaries, all cultures, and all races at about the same rate of struggle, and it doesn’t seem to matter about financial class.  In other words, approximately 7 – 10% of our world population is addicted to something.  But who are these people and what do they have in common. I have listed the tendencies I have witnessed over and over again.


>H2<The Addicted:vs Codependent>H2<

  • Tendency to have an obsessive behavior
  • Tendency to have an immature behavior
  • Tendency to not want to follow the norm (average population)
  • Tendency to be compulsive
  • Tendency to have a poor relationship with father
  • Tendency to be a risk taker – then find themselves in turmoil
  • Tendency for females to have been abused in childhood
  • Tendency to have huge shame issues
  • Tendency to report feeling all alone in life
  • Tendency to feel abandoned or left out
  • Tendency to be codependent, not just dependent (struggle with setting boundaries)
  • Tendency to have a very low self-opinion
  • Tendency to hide their opinions and emotions (wear different masks for different people)
  • Tendency to be angry at self – often aimed at others

The Codependent

  • Tendency to be codependent (needing others to feel good about self)
  • Tendency to help others and ability to finding needy people to help
  • Tendency to not want to control others, but do
  • Tendency to be very organized
  • Tendency to have a imbalanced relationship with father
  • Tendency to be obsessive – compulsive
  • Tendency to be caretakers
  • Tendency to be a martyr
  • Tendency to have endless energy
  • Tendency to be rescuer
  • Tendency to have anxiety and worry issues
  • Tendency to make decisions for the addicted
  • Tendency to have stuffed resentment and anger
  • Tendency to be a problem solver for others
  • Tendency to be angry toward self – often aimed at others

Common Ground for both

  • Tendency to feel sad inside
  • Tendency to feel anxious
  • Tendency to care deeply for others (one doesn’t know how to show it)
  • Tendency to want others to love them
  • Tendency to deeply want to belong
  • Tendency to hope and endlessly search for happiness
  • Probably the most often seen similarity – Low self-concept

I would estimate the codependent outnumber the addicts three to one. What is most fascinating to me is how the addict always gravitates to one or more codependents.

Truth be told, I would guess they find one another in an effort to fill a void.  What’s so sad, is together they usually find purpose, but misery.

Dr. Steve

What do you think? I would love to hear your comments below.




Posted in For Family Members | Tags , , , , | 4 Comments
Share

What Defines Gambling Addiction?

Published January 24, 2011 by Dr Steve

Pathological Response

The common behavior of the gambling addict would be best defined as an extreme, uncontrolled and unreasonable behavior which falls under the terminology of pathological response.

Maladaptive Behavior

Pathological gambling according to the DSM-IV is defined as maladaptive behavior that includes at least five of the following ten behaviors:

  • a preoccupation with gambling
  • an increasing amount of money needed to achieve the desired excitement
  • repeated unsuccessful efforts to control or stop
  • restlessness when attempting to cut down or stop
  • using gambling as a way of escaping or relieving feelings of depression
  • chasing lost money by trying to break even
  • hiding or trying to conceal the extent of gambling losses
  • jeopardizing relationships
  • soliciting help from others to deal with financial problems as a result of gambling
  • committing illegal acts to finance gambling

Causes of Behavior

This maladaptive behavior may be a learned behavior in an effort to chase after an endorphin high that comes from winning. It may be an attempt to reduce the stress of loneliness, anger, or depression, and in some cases, this often obsessive behavior, may be continued through family lines. No doubt there are many other such causes that may invoke an individual to develop gambling addictive behaviors.
To find out more go to the side bar of this blog and click on resources for all kinds of addictions. I love reading your comments below as well.

Posted in Emotional Mindset | Tags , , | 9 Comments
Share

Nehemiah Knew How to Restore the Walls of His Life: Do you?

Published January 24, 2011 by Dr Steve

Nehemiah was a cup-bearer

He was the one who would was put his life on the

line for the king. Basically, he was the wine taster who would drink from the

king’s bottle and sample the food offered to the king. If Nehemiah lived after

tasting, then the king would eat and drink his food. So, Nehemiah had to be

someone who was trusted by the king and his kingdom. Daily he put his life on

the line for his king. He was someone of great character.

Don’t  show emotions

One day Nehemiah approached the king with a unlikely request, that biblical

scholars say could have cost him his life. As a cup bearer, Nehemiah wasn’t ever

allowed to show emotion. He was suppose to do his job and that was all.

Normally, commoners weren’t allowed to ask the king for a favor, but that is

exactly what Nehemiah did. He became bold.

Approaching the King

As Nehemiah approached the king, the king noticed that he was very sad.

So, the king was compassionate with him and asked him what was causing his

sadness. Nehemiah told the King his story, and then he petitioned the king

for a favor; to allow him to leave the kingdom to go rebuild the walls of

Jerusalem and then eventually rebuild the city that laid in ruins.

He had never been there

Nehemiah never lived in Jerusalem, but that is where his family was from

(It was his roots). He was saddened to the point of depression. He wanted

to return to his homeland, but working for the king kept him from his desires.

He was so passionate for his goals that he was willing to put his identity and

life on the line. He was willing to do whatever it took to accomplish his Dream

(To live with his people at the place of his family’s birth).


Prior to petitioning the king, the Bible says that Nehemiah said a short prayer

for favor in the eyes of the king. He asked God to go before him and prepare

the way. He then, trusting in God and with passion, he approached the king.

So what happened?

He won favor with the King. Not only did he win his favor, but the king

decided to help Nehemiah. He told him he could have whatever he needed

to accomplish his goals and dreams. The king wanted to know specific detail

of what he needed, how much time it would take, and gave him permission

to travel to the land of Jerusalem to explore the damaged City.

What steps did he take?

It is important to examine the steps Nehemiah has taken so far and apply

those same steps to where you are right now.

Ready?

1. Had a passionate dream (Rebuild the walls and city of Jerusalem).

2. Had to confront a life threatening fear to accomplish that dream (What if the king…)

3. He prayed to God (to prepare the heart of the king)

4. He approached the king (Fear of losing favor and identity)

Nehemiah stepped up and faced his fears, based on

the passion to accomplish his goal. He was willing to

do whatever it took to become successful. It became a

of part of his daily identity.


HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO OVERCOMING ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS?

The answer is very simple.

If you have the passion to stop what you are doing (addictive behaviors)

and are willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish that goal, then you too

will succeed. You must be determined and move with intentional purpose.

Two of the hardest things that people have to overcome is the fear to change

and the fear to walk through the shame. To succeed you need to tackle both.

To find out more about Nehemiah and the steps to stop addictive behaviors contact Dr. Steve.

doctorjackson@12dayrehab.com or write a comment here and he will get back with you shortly.

Posted in Overcoming Addictions | Tags , , , | 2 Comments